An Overachieving 4th grader’s Ode to Failure

Overachieving

I hate losing… but who does??? Whatever I’m not them I have a special disgust for losing.  For instance my bestie/roomie and I were playing Michael Jackson the experience on the Wii.  This one particular song we where going at it like it was an audition for the thriller tour.  She beat me by like 250 points that is literally one MJ glide or 2 “hee-hees” Maaaaaannnn listen I was *am* upset like c’mon son! To make matters worse we both did so well we basically reached the highest score on the song.  So I have to become Michael to beat her score.

Only Michael himself can squash this…

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The 1st time I can identify a time I “failed’ at some thing I truly wanted was in the 4th grade.  In NYC they have “specialized” schools for everything you want as a career.  Whether it is a doctor, lawyer, sheepherder, or Indian rainmaker there was a school for you, P.S. XYZ.  In school I did the whole read books and get good grades thing so my teachers recommended I take a test for this specialized program or school (I forgot which one it was).  This was it!  Yes, in my 4th grade mind I would take this test pass it excel in middle school, high school, AND college in Hawaii then become a Hollywood actress that just happened to be a genius.  The program/school had a brochure! (I should really Google what it is so I can pick one for this story and not write slashies…anywho) WOOOOW a brochure of all the activities I could participate in once I got in.  Archery in the summer camp and cool learning stuff in the fall. Oh Yeah! Maaaaybe they will put me in next year’s brochure… in pink science goggles.  I was pumped!  Today is the big day! I went downtown  Manhattan me and my daddy with the seven hundred sharpened pencils my mother packed for me in my bookbag… just in case 699 of them broke.  Better safe than sorry right?  We reached the location and it is a huge auditorium similar to the test taking scene from the film “Lean On Me.”  Fast forward several weeks later I got the letter that I failed uggghhhh.  I cried in the bathroom for hours I just knew my life plan was ruined with no chance of recovery… I failed… I felt stupid…foolish…worthless (yes I was/am a hard critic of myself even back then hence the name of this post)  I thought of every answer I should of answered differently but if I knew which one was wrong I wouldn’t be in the bathroom crying in the 1st place *more tears* How was I going to make it to college in Hawaii??? (I am still wondering this)  How could I fail I had 700 pencils!!!!

Life as I knew it was over at 9 years old…

Once I got over that last week I was able to acknowledge two wonderful things that occurred from that day.  The middle school I eventually attended and the time I spent with my dad.  I went on to audition (yes audition) for a middle school that specialized in the arts it was like the musical “Fame” for preteens.  We were all allowed to “shop around” for a discipline we wanted to pursue visual art, drama, dance, etc then pick one.  Many of those lessons stuck with me and TAA-DAAAAAH!  I am an artist today coincidence? I think not.

Yea kinda like this just with kids…

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After the test, to celebrate my dad took me to to the American Museum of National History and ironically the big exhibition was dedicated to the precious gem Amber (fun fact the “A” in A.V. stands for Amber) so this was over the top amazingly beautiful (my opinion is biased).  We saw Amber in its natural form on a tree in one room then jazzed up as very expensive jewelry in another showcase and everything in between.  The various tones of yellows, reds, oranges made me feel so happy on the inside.  As I am looking at millions of dollars of my namesake behind a  glass my dad told me none of it is as beautiful nor as priceless as me (you have to say it like Bob Marley to get the full effect).

My dad looks NOTHING like “Snoop Lion” but this is hilarious…

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Since 4th grade I have cried in the bathroom several hundred times due to failure but what I learned then is something better always comes along (or you are presented the same opportunity at a later time) and the value of Amber doesn’t change regardless of its current surroundings….

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Now excuse me I have a high score to beat on the Nintendo Wii…..

 

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